Friday, January 27, 2006

10 Pet Peeves I love to hate.

10. Loud mouthed hag who thinks she’s all that
~Oh, they are everywhere; from bus stations to train stations even work stations. They are like a contamination that is sooo hard to contain. They are boisterous and overbearing… always chatting as if we want to hear their insipid and overly ridiculous stories. They are just alive because it is unlawful to shoot them.

9. Pinoy Novelty Songs (Pamela One, Ocho Ocho…aaargh)
~I mean, c’mon, tell me a medically fit and clinically sane Filipino who would find it irresistible to stream these songs, not to be rude to those who are patriotic to Mother Philippines , but I find this particular genre as a lame excuse for not having enough creative juices to make a REALLY decent song. I call them ear worms and I mostly hate it as a last song syndrome. Hang me now!!!

8. Pinoy Gag/Commedy Shows
~Unlike the American standard of having it as a 30 minute slot, i.e Friends or Will& Grace, Pinoy gag shows could last for about an hour and a half; a real waste of quality TV hour and not to mention electricity. The actors weren’t good; they are an absolute personification of stupidity raised to the nth time. Even if I will tickle myself to laugh…I just COULDN’T. The lines or should I say “joke” used were so lame to the extent that I will literally poke my eyes to respond. Often wondering if I just couldn’t grasp the joke or they were so banal that no amount of face twitching could etch a smile on my face. The producers of these gags, no pun intended, should be in jail: for having a microscopic sense of humor.

7. Slow people
~Wait, let me explain, slow means sluggish not mentally dull, those good-for-nothing populace who are such a slow poke, as if given all the time in the world. They can disguise as your cab driver, waiters, bus drivers, or even co-workers. They are strategically located when you are rushing to go somewhere or beating up a deadline. Such slothness deserves a major kick in the butt.

6. Pop-up windows
~Oh! Do I just hate pop up windows, those advertising trick that popup every time you surf the net. Its sooo irritating and a complete waste of bandwidth. They disrupt your naive screen by an offer to make your dick humongous (I’m cool with that *wink*), free cursors, Viagra, porn links, screensavers, etc. aaahhhhhh!, which by the way are all void of any practicality. The minds behind all these crappiness must be a total chump for attention. They should all be punished as a living dart board’s hehe!

7. Fish Guy
~These are random dudes whom you will meet one time or another, maybe, at a supermarket, a bus ride home, or someone sitting or standing beside you while your are waiting for a so-so. Why do I call them “fish guy”….hmmm because they literally smell like a stinking fish! I don’t mean to be so anatomically rude but lets face it people, it would be a total meltdown if someone within the perimeter of your nasal cavity decided to have a major fight with Mr. Good Hygiene. I am putting my foot down when I say that we have a responsibility of looking or even smelling A-OK when we go out and interact with the peeps.

6. Big Mouth Joe
-~Ahh! The typical Joe Almighty, a boring fellow who thinks that the earth revolves around him and has managed to create his own orbit and gravitational force and whose words are so holy that it sounds so horrendously true but devoid of any sensitivity and gist. They should all be named “Narciso” for being such a darn narcissists.

5. MRT during Rush Hour

~ Do I need to elaborate more? If you want to feel how it feels like to be in a can of sardines literally, then join me during Monday’s at the MRT Station. Ooh! The smell of morning sweats sooo sweet hehe!

4. Wandering hands
~Just the thought of this one makes me cringe. I’m not a homophobe but I have come to hate the “wandering hands” of those pinoy beauticians (I’m in no way generalizing) who had finally perfected the map and detours around and within the male anatomy while giving you a haircut. It does feel like you were being harassed and yet too polite to even raised your anxiety. Makes me wonder sometimes if it is the same feeling as well when ladies are being taken advantage of by a straight pervert.

3. Irritating Texter
~The classic insecure individual who was given the liberty of time to pest the other end of the line and magically transformed their cellphones as a permanent extension of their thumbs. Texting (SMS Messaging) in this country is so popular that it goes to the point of becoming a National Past Time. Too much liberty, though, is not good because they were given the opportunity to pass tongue-swaging, mind freezing, utterly bland forwarded messages. They should see a shrink to probe the meaning of their existence.

2. Philippine Politicians
~These bunch of people (I think I’m giving them too much credit)…what I mean is, these bunch of mongrels are the root cause why this beloved country is in deep shit. They are much worse than any major calamity this country had withstood and what is so poignant is that they intend to stay for good…aaargh! The nerve of these pinoy sub humans. They all should be shipped out away from this country to a deserted Island infested with their own kin—sharks, snakes and crocs. What a gathering it would be?

And finally…drum roll please!!!

1. Butt Head
~All the time number one, top of the list major irritation is SMOKING. I hate it period. I don’t need to elaborate this much, but guys, if you want to have a cancer break, do it at your own risk. Go build your own country of smokers if you want but leave us with still “virginal” lungs to reach at least 40 years. And yeah! That mental connotation that smoking is cool is a total Bull Shit.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

loving in a distance

The hardest and saddest part of loving someone is watching her fall for someone else …and realized that she can never be yours.

The hardest still is you’ve finally resolved that she’s better off with him.

I admit that I love her in a distance.
…constantly wondering of that possibility of holding her hands and knowing her intimate details. Oh! I know every bit of her, from the way she laughs, her dancing eyelashes, her cursive smiles, her imposing eyes and her scent that made me forget that I’m still on earth.
Believing that one distant day, she will look at me the way I always looked at her.

She became my resort when I feel so lost. My guidepost when all the life’s street signs got mixed up. My shining star when dark clouds covered my only piece of sky…and my motivation to keep pressing forward because of that thought that the best is yet to come.

I am forever be thankful that I met her…because of her presence I discovered how much I am capable to give love; how much I can give my everything and still have something left to give; of believing that a love that is so pure can transcends all logic, even how illogical it may seem.

…and yet wished that it’s far better if I haven’t met her at all.

She’s so near yet I feel that a thousand oceans and a million mornings’ divide us; an immense separation that only a hopeless romantic could believe that it can be linked.

…and yet I am a hopeless romantic.

The last time we’ve been together was the time I’ve met him. A very cool guy with an air of intellectual superiority and yet humble enough to shine a warm smile at me…and I noticed that she was never been happier …I know then that my presence in her life is slowly diminishing.

As they talked, I stepped back and cherished my last moments with her. Looking at her intently at the sideline and memorizing how she looks like, when finally her own resort, guidepost, star and motivator was there.

…and yes! I will still love her in a distance.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

And I was gone...

Do you ever wish you could turn back the hands of time and recreate a particular past…

If I have that chance to do so, I think I’m going to take the plunge.

These couple of weeks is one of the most hellhole feelings I have ever felt in my entire existence…a phase of utter confusion, dismal mental torment and emotional exhaustion all geared into a cycle of bleak perspective.

The amusing thing is I don’t know what the hell my freakin’ problems are. It’s as if I’m being caught up into a mental purgatory or abyss, that no amount of soul searching could ever quench my thirst of worthiness.

That void inside my being is expanding like a black hole enveloping a once lighted universe…devouring any budding hope of significance and spreading its eternal blackness to pure nothingness.

It’s like being the last straw of wheat to be harvested or the last light bulb to be clicked off.

Am I clinically insane or just going through some deep waters?

When will this phase end?

Is there something to look forward to?

Am I worth the time waiting for that great “Finally?”

If I could just zap myself and have that temporary feeling of nothingness

…of being numb for a single day

…of being able to have a clean tabula rasa

…of being gone
But to be revived and lived to talk about it.

There are more questions now than the half empty answers I could find. Maybe this feeling of indescribable nothingness all wields up to my ultimate evolution-- of finding my reason for living. …of finding my old “me” when time stopped and I was honestly happy, contented and loved.

Am I leading a life of sheer quiet desperation?

Monday, January 16, 2006

If Only...

I know, chick-flick movies are a definite NO NO to guys, well, except maybe when your girlfriend asked you to cuddle and watch that movie, there's no way out right?
…but sometimes, a good movie comes along that even a hard core guy will have a visual fixation on the screen. Not that the movie offers any breakthrough cinematography or presents an unparalleled performances by the actors but I salute the film because of its well structured storyline and the outcome I personally felt while streaming through.

What am I talking about?…the movie IF ONLY by Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Paul Nicholls. After his impetuous musician girlfriend, Samantha (Hewitt), dies in an accident shortly after they had a fight (and nearly broke up), a grief-stricken British businessman, Ian Wyndham (Nicholls), living in London gets a chance to relive the day all over again, in the hope of changing the events that led up to her getting killed...

The lines uttered were unquestionably original and the acting was done above mediocrity. What struck me most was it offers me glimpses of the “what if it happens to me” scenario. I kept on thinking the possible reaction I may have felt…the severe loss of losing someone you deeply loved…of being deprived of that chance to tell her how much your life would have no meaning if she was not there…of not understanding her importance and the life she brings out into your being…of the guilt feelings that surround you when you’ve discovered how much you took her for granted…and that realization that the last word that’s been said was goodbye.

If only we could turn the hands of time

If only we have known what will happen

If only we said what’s in our hearts

If only…

We must always be mindful that life revolves around great moments beautifully wrapped in simple packages; that what matters in this life is not what you have but who you have; that sometimes, those whom we think we can’t live without received the second best attention and priority.

The greatest tragedy in life is not to love...but it's an equal tragedy as well when we ignore or dismiss the presence and importance of those people whom we said we love or cared for.

Let it not be the last word to be uttered is goodbye.

Well, just thinking aloud…

Friday, January 13, 2006

Measure of a Man

Are guys required to open up “feelings” with each other…?

Being a dude myself, I have come to discover that nearly all my buddies are not into that “sharing’ thing. They rather talk about women, the latest score of NBA/PBA, their insipid jobs and what makes them the kingpin in their own rights…which is just valid because that’s what average guys do; but feelings, NOPE, that’s a girly stuff; an unchartered territory never to be stepped by a normal Joe.

It’s like there is this unwritten code that we understood beyond the borders of male philosophy. Men were accustomed to that idea that opening up your sentiments to your co-specie will cause social disassociation and stigma.

Is this a societal conspiracy brewed by centuries of patriarchal structure…to act tough because boys don’t cry…we sulk it in; projecting an infallible image to the extent of thrashing emotional fluke that constantly seeps into our psyche.

Statistics have provided that more males committed suicide than their female counterpart. Why is that so? It makes me wonder sometimes…is this the direct result of a controlled emotion…asleep in the male ego for countless of years. That a minuscule spark of predicament will burst the dam into a raging ocean of oblivion.

Nevertheless, once in a while you will find that great buddy who is not so ashamed to open up his thoughts, his insecurities and fears. Giving you a peek on his mind and letting his real persona exposed. Candidly admitting that he too face difficulties along his journey…that he is swallowed by the constant sense of emptiness and bewilderment, confusions and disappointments.

He showed me that’ it’s okay to feel small and to feel lost one time or another… that what I am experiencing is legitimate and valid. That we are going through the same phase of probing the reason of our existence.

That I have a company after all in this journey called life…

Real men cries and bleed and they know they have flaws and weaknesses as well…that the real gauge of a man is not to face the battle alone but to realize that he needs an ally all along.

To my bud, you know who you are…THANK YOU so much for letting me stride down the broken road you are treading.

Well just thinking aloud…

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Have we met before...?

Have you ever had that moment when you seemed to know someone by face and actually had that courage to make the first move and talk to that person.

…well, I did?

But it didn’t go as it turns out. I know his face was quite familiar but I couldn’t just grapple where and when I saw him. Anyways, I was in the train station this morning and I saw him sitting in a nearby bench. We exchanged glances and I thought he was going to smile at me …so I smiled but regrettably he didn’t and pushed his vision to some distant surrounding. Well, to save my face and that notion that I was a creep, I managed to find my potency to talk to him, right move?


So I went standing in front of him, aware that a couple of people are staring at us. I asked the proverbial question if he was with the same university I went in my college years because I think he was one of the alumni there. He said NO! And I really could sense his tension and I know what’s going on in his mind---what the s*** is this guy needs from me? So I asked a gibberish question if we know each other and that made it even worse when he uttered again the word NO!

Cold sweat was starting to form in my brow and I could feel the butterflies going crazy in my stomach. Apparently this guy whom I think is a familiar face was nonetheless unfamiliar. I’m thinking, what I’m going to do now…the two guys sitting beside him are intently looking at me maliciously like I was this guy’s stalker or a fag who have nothing else to do but to pimp. I could paint this guy’s reaction into a spectrum of aversion and confusion.

So with a rattled voice I said… “Ah, Ok...sorry!” such words so scarce that I could feel the emptiness of it.

I didn’t have the nerve to look at him and just strutted my way to the street.

It only shows that sometimes being polite is not necessarily the best option to talk to someone whom you vaguely remember. You must test the water so to speak and wait if he will respond to your civility…if not then you will save your face from embarrassing situation.

Well…just thinking aloud.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

...God, who?

I’m better off believing in God than not believing at all…

So many blogs or articles had been written to disprove or substantiate the existence of God and for sure, I’m not going to tell you another one…because for one thing I can’t.

But all these jumbled words that I’m going to write are my simple attempt to say that I feel God’s presence everyday. If you are a believer of a Higher being…even the most mundane and minute facet of your everyday existence are not glitches from a “matrix” or a random anomalies of the cosmos. Every detail seems to have meaning…a purpose… a life and it’s as if you are right there at the right moment, given the chance to discover the hidden nuggets of wisdom beyond the legitimacy of pain, suffering, joy or triumph.

I feel God because I’m letting myself to believe…how true that His peace and wisdom transcends all understanding. I can’t explain it on a face value or dissect my personal experiences into verbosity because there is no way to do so…it’s a fundamental relationship between a creature and a Creator; the experience outweighs the logic.

I’m not even imposing my belief but as time passes by…I believe that “we” are better off than those who just shrug their shoulders and ignore the obvious.

It’s better to die believing and stereotyped as a fool than dying and realizing that I’m a complete fool.

Well…just thinking aloud

the "it" question

Are we here for a purpose?

Such a valid question needs a definite answer but unfortunately since time in memoriam, many have sought to retort that archaic question but failed to elaborate its vital essence…it failed because like those “holier-than-thou” philosophers, they are full-breathing humans as well. In my own limited knowledge, we really cannot evaluate our real purpose until we have come to a full closure to the “accurate” person that’s inside of us.

Sort of conquering the inner, hollow space that’s within.

I believe that all of us have to go through deep waters to fully understand that we are being guided by a Higher Being. That no experiences are worth discounting…that in every turn of events whether good or bad are necessary ingredients to our ultimate self actualization…our ultimate purpose.

Well…I have a long path ready to be tread and that ultimate “it” question will be answered soon (I hope).

…just thinking aloud.
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