Thursday, March 30, 2006

Rant 101

I hate inconsiderate people…people who tend to have built their own black hole and managed to obliterate the lives of those around them. Kinda harsh but c’mon, when somebody is sleeping or taking a nap, would it be so hard to keep your voice down or turn the radio off or simply just SHUT UP.

I went home this morning (having the night shift, ya know!) and as I was collecting my sleep nods and customizing my bed, this guy from the other room is singing his lungs off with an 80ish song. Ugh, I will embrace his genocide mind you. I try my best to be considerate—in all aspect of civility, because that’s what I think a proper decorum dictates…but sadly many just don’t have any breeding to start with. They still need to integrate good manners and right conduct to be allowed wandering within the vicinity of society.


I’m going hoooome…and even if we have a pre-scheduled training in the office BAH! I’m going home. It’s my little bro’s graduation and I certainly know what my priority is.

12:59 am

There’s a perk (and I wont tell you what it is) working in a BPO company like the one that I am currently employed. But as good as the perk may seem, sometimes you just have that feeling that you don’t control your time...the company does. As of now my shifting schedule prompted me to be awake when everybody else is sleeping (graveyard shift). But anyway, the good points in working at nights are:

  1. Traffic…absolutely no traffic
  2. Less annoying people to work with…woohoo!
  3. With the hellish summer in this country…the heat quickly dissipated when my shift starts
  4. Total FOCUS on your work, no dilly dally about triviality

The main culprit of staying awake the whole night is the Alaskan temperature of our air conditioning. Makes me want to snuggle and get a pillow…zzzzzzzzzzzzz


God willing, I maybe able to visit my fam this weekend. It’s been a whole 2 months since I’ve been in the province and I sooo darn miss the easy and carefree lifestyle back there…and the air, fresh air everywhere.


Congrats to my bro who managed to transfer company in Dubai, U.A.E. You deserve that company bro .Hope to join you there soon Manong.


That’s it for now, I want to write more but my mind is wandering and sometimes leaving off completely.

Monday, March 27, 2006

something to think about...about LOVE!

I got this from a fellow blogger from New Zealand named Jared. You could see his other posts from my links. Why did I repost it...well, because it so darn good! You just have to read and re-read it to fully absorb the fluid concept of the said author.

" is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can come nearest the soul of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the loving of each other, and not the being beloved by each other, that originates and perfects and assures their blessedness. I knew that love gives to him that loveth, power over any soul beloved, even if that soul know him not, bringing him inwardly close to that spirit; a power that cannot be but for good; for in proportion as selfishness intrudes, the love ceases, and the power which springs therefrom dies. Yet all love will, one day, meet with its return. All true love will, one day, behold its own image in the eyes of the beloved, and be humbly glad." (George MacDonald, Phantastes, 181)

Saturday, March 25, 2006

the way life works

My little bro is graduating in high school this April. Wow! it made me realize how old I am…and it freaked me out that indeed my cells are rapidly replicating themselves and pushing me to geezer hood before I could ever say “time out”.

It’s been seven years since I stepped myself out from high school and it made think all the dreams and wishes that didn’t make through; dreams that silently vanished and washed away across the ocean of reality.

My first choice in college and up to now, my dream job is to work in an advertising firm. I know I have the germ of artistry to back up my desire but due to financial constraints, I reckon that it’s not worthy to pursue such monumental feat. So, instead of using an adobe Photoshop or a digital camera, my dad bought a 700 peso worth of scientific calculator and I ended up finishing Accountancy.

At first it was a torture going to each class and grudgingly computing the financial statements of Company ABC and Income Statements of Mr. 123. I just don’t get the point really! Though I think I excelled at some areas, my calling, I believe, was not to worn out a calculator and balance each account. But realizing further, I started to love my course and as if fate had a sick humor, I was elected as the Regional President of our accountancy student organization holding 1000 students across the region. I managed to finish my course eventually and considered taking up the CPA Licensure exam.

And Yes! I did…so off I went to Manila to review. It was a brutal game mind you! I never experienced such intense pressure. I lose weight dramatically and had experienced mumbling solutions in my dreams. I plucked every fiber of conviction that I will pass the board because I am doing my part and kicking my butt off to review. Again, fate made a visit but hilarity did not ensue.

She shook my consciousness off by saying that I failed. It was hard to accept, believe me and up until now, I blocked my mind in reckoning the feeling of sheer disappointment. What bothers me most during that time was I felt that it’s not only me who failed but it seems that I also failed my family. I believe my passing of the board will be a good parting gift to my aging parents. They are the main reason why I pushed myself to the limit and muster the remaining strength to finish the race so to speak. And life did go on…but something deep inside me withered and died.

That was the first time I discovered also that I am not holding my destiny after all and it’s an utter arrogance to say the least, that I am the master of my faith…the captain of my soul. And even if how hard you work, sometimes those things or events that you want most cannot be materialized because simply, it wasn’t meant to be.

Though, all these ephemeral disappointments come and go what I’ve learned most about all these series of events was this absolute truth: family will always be there.

I’m still learning to accept my reality as it is but I don’t plan my life now with a matter-of-fact approach…instead I carve my dreams and wishes nowadays across the walls of my heart and buff it with a simple prayer that His will shall be done.

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Art of Letting Go

I received a text message from my buddy last Thursday that due to his continuing medication he is prompted to fly back to the US this Tuesday.

My initial reaction was shock because I have no idea that his situation was more serious than I thought. And the realization that I may not see him again sinks in after I agreed to meet him last Saturday.

Hippie John, as I fondly called him is one of the best people I’ve met so far. We came from two different races and life backgrounds but somehow all the differences transcends into one meaningful friendship. We’re both travelers coming from two sets of road but along the way, the two roads met.

He is a sport junkie and I am an art enthusiast; he is the outgoing dude and I am the introspective one. The differences could go on but that doesn’t deter our friendship to mold into something that suits us completely. We’ve complemented what the other lacks and in return we’re like two people with one mind and one soul.

Last Saturday was bittersweet; after hanging out with him and a couple of his Peace Corps volunteer friends, time dictates that I must bid him my goodbye. I’m sad that he is going away with the big probability of him not coming back but I am happy as well that he will be treated with utmost beneficence.

We’ve never had the chance to talk alone but I know that there must be words to be said…words that could justify the longing that is yet to happen. But as part of the male specie, we just jokingly hit each other’s arm saying we’re going to miss each other and man, I am going to miss that fart.

I signaled the group that the night is over for me and I merely offered my handshake to John but he declined with a smirk on his face telling me implicitly that the night is still young. But he stood up and ushered me outside the bar where we were hanging out. I felt so awkward because darn it, I hate saying goodbye. I mumbled a God bless you-you take care-see you soon mantra but I am conscious that a lump was forming in my throat. I sensed that he feels the same way but as a man, we just shrugged it off. We hugged tightly knowing that this maybe the last time we’ve crossed the same path. After we let go and I stepped a couple of strides, I look back and yelled that I will wait for his return. He just smiled and nod.

As I sat on the jeepney going home, I couldn’t comprehend the mixed emotions that were going on inside me. It’s like having to say goodbye all over again to my brothers when they went abroad to work. The lump in the throat took hold of its permanence but I don’t like to shed tears because it’s not a manly thing to do. Instead I put the feeling of lost inside my heart, tightened it with the feeling of security and hope that maybe, this is not the end but just the beginning.

I know that eventually he will return to his country but this was so sudden that I could not muster the courage to reckon that this is all but real. Through him I realized how it feels like to have a “friend” in all its essence. Through him, I’ve discovered what the Bible pointed out when it speaks about a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

And through him, where once a personal journey, someone comes along and say “Going that way…can I join you!”

To you bud, as we always say in our text messages, ingatz lagi.

Hope to bump into you…soon.

Monday, March 13, 2006

No Opportunity Wasted (NOW)

I’m always that type of person who looks at a glass half full. I’m not an optimist jerk who hasn’t come to grip with his own reality but on the other hand I have come to accept reality as it is. I do try to cherish each unfolding day but sometimes all I get is an echo of the past I rather forget and a longing sigh of an impatient tomorrow.

In the book “The Horse Whisperer”, (thanks Tin for recommending that book by the way) it points out that “forever is just a long trail of now”, that phrase blew me away. A verse from the Bible reiterated the same wisdom when it states “Let tomorrow worry itself”.

The concept looks so utterly naïve but I got the chills when I burrowed deeper and understood that what is occurring in the great populace are the eternal preoccupation of the past and the sordid fear of the future.

Why do we need to become so overly problematic with our past and a worry wart with our future? We know we really cannot do anything about it and neither we are capable of rearranging the events that transpired or will transpire. But still, the idea of living for just a day at a time eludes the hell out of me. Am I capable to focus on the now.

As of this moment, my head is spinning with plans for the next week, or next year and at the same time, kicking myself for what I’ve said or did yesterday or last month. Its sooo exhausting. It’s as if all the three phases of my existence happens all at once.

So where do I go from here…

I think I should have that baby step in realizing that now is forever encapsulated within the boundaries of the present. If I screwed my past, I sure know the ramification it will bring to my future. If I did extremely well on my present, my past is a good legacy to reckon with, and my future is something to anticipate for.

Hmmm, I think I just answered my own question. Forgive the ranting of a confused soul.

Well, just thinking aloud…

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

To Dad

The school where my Dad used to teach honored him last December. This was the acceptance speech I made in behalf of my family and to which my sister delivered during that school recognition. Just want to share with you how much I have become because I have a Dad who raised me with an iron fist and a loving heart.


Being part of the most awarded public school in Solano can be a lot of pressure not only to the teacher concerned but for their family as well.

We have seen our Dad being so committed to his teaching profession that sometimes our family rapport was quite affected. He wants to meet deadline…wants to accomplish the springboard material for that day…and literally dragging himself from sleep at the unholy hour of the night just to compose the lesson plan. We basically geared ourselves and made Dad’s world a part of our world as well.

When he got deadlines to pass, somebody must be in the computer polishing things up. Computations of grades is a family matters as well. So do cleaning the classrooms for major school visitation and preparation of the springboard materials. His business is fundamentally our business.

Most of you know that our Dad had a minor stroke before which made his eyesight blurry but instead of quitting and feeling sorry for himself, he kept on and took that as a challenge along the way. He indeed exuded what’s like to be a devoted teacher.

All of these he has done in the call of duty. He doesn’t believe in the mediocrity of performance; he always does things above what has been called for. Little did he know that we indeed appreciated all his sacrifices.

What we admire most and currently following was his work ethics; we have seen his intense dedication and fiery enthusiasm in his work. That alone is very noteworthy.

Last February 2005, Dad had a near fatal stroke which ended his passion to teach. The road stopped and the sun settled early.

He could have done more, contributed more and we are confident that he has more to give to the budding youngsters.

But every journey has an ending and we believe that this time around its time for him to lay down the books and mark it finished.

Dad finished his last year of teaching in this institution with great pride and accomplishment. He has made something of himself here, met great friendships and unequal contemporaries. We know that all these memories and kind remarks will help him recover from the illness that he is presently fighting.

If only Dad could embrace each one of you and tell you how much he appreciated this tribute.

Dad may not be the gregarious and conversationalist person that he has been but deep inside he is still that shining star that lights up the room.

When all the applause and cheers has ended, what remains is the good company that he felt with the Solano East Central School faculty and staff.

In behalf of my family, no words warm enough could convey our deepest gratitude and appreciation for this humble recognition to our beloved father.

May the last years that he will spend with us be full of love, blessings and happiness…the previous trek may have been ended but a greater journey awaits.

God bless you all.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

quiet moments 2

quiet moments 2

Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest

who came first

or who cares the best.

It's about who came

and never left...

Monday, March 06, 2006

moving out and taking chances

Last Saturday I finally moved out from my previous loft in Sampaloc, Manila and decided to settle in Makati City (a mere 10 minute walk to my work woohoo!).

My moving was bittersweet. In all candors, I had four months of happy memories planted within the walls of my earlier abode, but, it gives me an opportunity as well to mosey around new blocks and discover new acquaintances.

The thrill of living in a bigger city outweighs the risk that comes along.

I’ve met the people that I will be living with and thank God they were pretty decent and quite accommodating. Mark, my roommate helped me navigate the streets and the where-to-go-just-in-case-your-lost briefing. I think I am going to like and enjoy my stay there.

The place was quite accessible to all the necessities that I could think of—a four story mall called WalterMart (Pinoy version of Wal-Mart) and another mall, Makati Square (I think?). But, what I love most is the comfort that it will just be a 10 minute walk from the office. No need for any transpo and the exercise that I will get will surely make my calves more appealing hehe!

We got no television for now and no freezer, but I am flexible; those were the things I could live without…and I love to think that I could actually read books now without any interruptions, whoa!

Speaking of books, I bought two just the other day and I’m currently finishing Daddy-Long Legs. I thought that it was a classic slash chick book before but my judgment could not be more further from the truth. That book is a total stress reliever and a page turner. Simple humor indeed can make the heart afloat. The author, whom by the way was a niece of the famous Mark Twain, knows the true potion of literary magic.

On the other hand, last night, my buddy John and I went out and had a worthy conversation. Catching up what’s going on with our own life and at the same time spilling all our rants and disappointments. He just had a rugby tournament and boy was he bruised. I’m secretly chuckling because it looks like something was shoved on his ass with the way he struts.

Anyway, I saw him in a different light yesterday because something really poked his senses with his short stay in this country. Before, his pockets were full of enthusiasm and personal idealism…he actually thinks that he could change something in this country.

Well, I believe he did in his simple ways, but the truth is, it takes the collective efforts of Filipinos to muster what has been lost earlier—unity and national pride. He added also that before he was so overwhelmed with our wretched condition but as he strides along the streets of manila, the poverty and corruption which are very apparent and widespread—a temporary scar that simply wouldn’t go away, seemed normal to him now.

Like many Filipinos, he became so jaded with the overpowering task of improving this country that a shrug of a shoulder is something more like a reflex rather than a last resort stroke.

Still, he said that he's here to help even how minute his contributions are in comparison to the insurmountable mission that is upon him.

Oh well…just thinking aloud

quiet moments

A very good friend of mine send me a very inspiring text message and I decided to make a photo journal about it.

Quiet Moments---When God speaks in whisper

Life is all about waking up each day to discover something new

about meeting old people but making new conversations

walking through everyday trials

but still feeling nice about it

realizing that you have grown a day
but still feeling young at heart

meeting busy schedules

but still finding time for old friends

being nostalgic about gonedays

but looking forward to better days

Friday, March 03, 2006

fragment of a memory

~This pic was taken last December during my niece's baptism. That's my sistah by the way. She doesn't know that she's one of my heroes. We have the typical sibling relationship (a cat and mouse rivalry) but behind it all, I know that she will always be my cheerleader. Such a woman of substance and character. If you want to scrape my dirty little secrets...stay away from her; she will not hesitate to sell me out aaargh!

That dude is John McGill. A US Peacecorps Volunteer. We met and became friends April of 2005 but it seems like I've known this guy for eternity. He got that rare combination of sensitivity and strength. Very charismatic to the ladies and has a special heart reserved for the abused and forgotten kids (He is working at a DSWD Lingap Center in Tarlac). My buddy will always be my human stress reliever...too bad, he will be going back to Washington State come June 2006.

But, I know we're bonded and sealed for life.

Better Than Life

~For sooo long I've been trying to find this particular music vid from Hillsong. Thanks to YouTube, the search is definitely over. Sidenote, as a Christian, we are not promised a smooth sailing or a walk in the park kind of life...but the rewards after outweigh all the sacrifices and troubles.

Better Than Life
Words and Music by Marty Sampson

Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friend's voices
Better than the biggest dreams of my heart
And that's just the start

Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is

You hold me now in Your arms
And never let me go

You Oh Lord make the sun shine
And the moon light in the night sky
You give me breath and all Your love
I give my heart to You because

I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You
I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Choices We Make

This has been circulating in the internet for so long but still the message is as potent when I first read it...up until now, it nudged me to think the wisdom behind it all.

The Choices We Make
(By Bob Moorehead)

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings,
but shorter tempers;

Wider freeways,
but narrower viewpoints;

We spend more,
but have less;

We buy more,
but enjoy it less;

We have bigger houses,
and smaller families;

More conveniences,
but less time;

We have more degrees,
but less sense;

More knowledge,
but less judgment;

More experts,
but more problems;

More medicine,
but less wellness;

We drink too much,
smoke too much,
spend too recklessly,
laugh too little,
drive too fast,
get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late,
get up too tired,
read too little,
watch TV too much,
and pray too seldom;

We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values;

We talk too much,
love too seldom,
and hate too often;

We've learned how to make a living,
but not a life;

We've added years to life,
not life to years;

We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor;

We've conquered outer space,
but not inner space;

We've done larger things,
but not better things;

We've cleaned up the air,
but polluted the soul;

We've split the atom,
but not our prejudice;

We write more,
but learn less;

We plan more,
but accomplish less;

We've learned to rush,
but not to wait;

We have higher incomes,
but lower morals;

We have more food,
but less appeasement;

We build more computers
to hold more information
to produce more copies than ever,
but have less communication;

We've become long on quantity,
but short on quality;

These are the times of fast foods
and slow digestion;

Tall men,
and short character;

Steep profits,
and shallow relationships;

These are the times of world peace,
but domestic warfare;

More leisure,
but less fun;

More kinds of food,
but less nutrition;

These are days of two incomes,
but more divorce;

Of fancier houses,
but broken homes;

These are days of quick trips,
disposable diapers,
throw away morality,
one-night stands,
overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer
to quiet,
to kill;

It is a time when there is much in the show window,
and nothing in the stockroom;

We are called to make many choices,
that affect many people
and we live with the consequences.

Let our choices be the type that lift up God
and bring glory to His name.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

dusty memories and misty recollections

~I observed that as I wind myself to maturity the more I feel all alone. Of course I got friends around but it’s not the same anymore. Life now becomes so serious…we are all geared in maintaining and reaching our career goal.

I remember a couple of years ago when my peers and I will just hangout with one of our friend’s house doing absolutely nothing but were contented with just being together. I remember the time we tread along the grassy clearing in the nearby farm just to watch the sun set or having our vocal chords strained with the midnight karaoke. We indeed shared so many memories together and it seemed endless at that time.

But what I missed most was the carefree freedom of weaving our dreams together and of trying to figure out what lies ahead. With our youthful idealism, we thought of conquering the world without leaving our footprints behind.

People and events do change and as much as we don’t want to loose contact with each other, well, it is bound to happen.

With all the new technology right now like the cellphone or the internet, it’s funny to note that we rarely drop by and say Hi anymore. Maybe because we don’t know where to pick up the friendship we left…or was there something left to pick up anyway. Or maybe because we are too busy focusing on ourselves and fail to recognize that we are traveling alone…and loving it.

I admit that I for one am guilty as charged as I let myself drift from them. I found new acquaintances along my personal trek. A handful of whom I am very thankful because they are really good people…but many were just passing glances, foggy memories and faceless characters.

Now, I tend to withdraw from new acquaintances; I just cannot afford to create new friendship anymore which I know cannot survive from the intricacies of daily gripe. Thus, I become aloof and cold.

If only I could look back when time stood still and stars are as bright as I remembered them. When dreams can be seen at the horizon and where laughter and cheers filled the dusk with great colors.

But now all I hear is a resounding echo from a distant past bouncing within the walls of my memory. The cheers died down and the songs faded.

I know I moved on…
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